Why?????

Why....is a question that I've wondered about for so many years now. Then I think why not me, why not my family. What makes me think that my family is better and things shouldn't happen to us or that we should be shielded from bad things happening. 

I lost my dad when I was 24 years old. I sat beside my dad while he passed away and it changed me. The heart ache that day was a pain that until you experience it, then you will understand what it feels like. I've grieved for my dad everyday since he has passed. There hasn't been one day that I can remember not thinking about him and not having that pain in my heart. It's an ache that will cause you to gasp for air. It's something that I thought I would never have to experience again. I guess I was just crazy to think that since we have experiened such a great loss, that we would be spared anymore because God isn't that cruel. I seriously thought this, I never would have imagined that 8 years later I'd be standing in a room watching my nephew pass away. 

When it all started I remember saying out loud "that this can't be happening again". My body was numb. I prayed and I cried out for him to come back and take me. It was the same prayer I prayed the day my dad passed, but it wasn't answered. I remember standing over my dads body and thinking to myself how this is it. The same with Ethan, when they stopped CPR and I went to his bedside the same feelings of how final this is. That was it, his part of our story was complete......I'd never hear him say "I love you sissy" again.